The Non-Dramatical Way to Give Birth, Part 2

After a 3 month hiatus, the cloud of the Mommy Brain has mostly lifted and I am happily attempting to blog again (I can hear the applause echoing from your living rooms to mine!). My first birth story was a bit hit (see Archives, May 2008), and a joy to revisit, so I am giving my most recent popping a whirl. Once again, I add the following:

Caution: Detailed (but humorous) account of giving birth follows below. Read at your own risk.

As evidenced in several blogposts below, I had had enough. I was ready for this pregnancy to end, for my little boy to arrive and for our new normal as a fabulous foursome to begin. Shortly after resigning myself to the unpleasantness of a second induction, I contacted my amazing doula, Fabulous Vicky. Our conversation started the same way as every prior one had begun, "Hi! It's Harley. I'm still pregnant..." This time, though, Fabulous Vicky didn't laugh. She said, "Ok, well, we're running out of time. Tonight's the night for castor oil." It was time to pull out the big guns. And by big, I mean gross and slimy. "If you take it tonight, you will have a baby tomorrow. I am pretty sure of it." I was sold. The pitocin/epidural must have been hell for me to agree to sip a cocktail of spicy ginger tea garnished with 2oz of thick, fuzzy castor oil. It was really the only option left. I called Dr. R to get the go ahead to drink the potion. He said, "It's an old wives tale. It won't do anything except keep you on the toilet all night, but go ahead and give it a shot." So, I did.

We gave our parents the heads-up regarding our plan and told them to be on call for the following day. However, Baby Boy had been due 'any day' since January 15th, so this heads-up was met with placating "OK"s and "Great"s.

We had a lovely dinner and evening, then at about 11pm I made the potion. It tasted of spicy ginger tea, but the texture was...unforgettable. After each thick and fuzzy sip, I wiped my tongue with a washcloth. I kept reassuring myself that this short-lived unpleasantness was far more preferable to the evil pitocin, and that inner monologue got me through the hour it took to drink the potion. The deed was done.

We waited. We cleaned the kitchen. We got ready for bed. I knew that I needed to try and get some sleep, especially if labor was imminent, but I was too wired. Andrew convinced me to come to bed and agreed to watch a movie while I tried to fall asleep. I quickly chose our HBO On-Demand movie, the classic Dirty Dancing. Mindless fun. I stuffed myself into too-tight jammies, propped myself up on about six pillows and settled in to watch the flick. I fell asleep shortly after Penny's botched abortion and woke up during the Kellerman's end-of-summer show. I felt funny. Crampy. But I had drunk the potion a few hours earlier, so that was no surprise.

There was no success in the bathroom, but the cramps started to feel more like contractions. I was cautiously optimistic. I called Fabulous Vicky and said, "I think this might be it!" We arranged that I would call her back either way by 5:30am and she planned to head into the city. She reminded me to get some sleep as it would likely be a long day.

Andrew was awake at this point watching Baby and Johnny have the time of their lives. "What should we do now?" he asked. I thought for a second, then another contraction hit. "Watch Dirty Dancing, again." He agreed, but wasn't thrilled. We started the movie from where I fell asleep the first time. By the time Baby and Johnny were doing lifts in the water, I fell asleep. I woke up contraction-free at 5am just as Johnny was taking Baby out of the corner. I called Fabulous Vicky and told her not to waste her time coming in - no baby was being born today in this household! She wasn't convinced, but agreed to stay home and remain on-call. She suggested that I try to jump start my system by taking a shower and having a bite to eat. I did, but to no avail. After eating a vegan grilled cheese, still pregnant, and contraction-free, I put on some mindless TV and crashed on the couch.

I opened my eyes at 8:07am and, for the first time ever feasted my eyes on the Today Show. Apparently, I hadn't been missing much, it was boring, so I closed my eyes again. About 3 minutes later, I realized why I had woken up in the first place- my belly was throbbing. Could I really be in labor? Did the potion really work?? Andrew was getting out of the shower and asked, "Do I have to go to work today?" I responded, "No, honey, I don't think you do." "Really?" "Maybe...Ow!" I ran over to the computer and pulled up the wonderful ContractionMaster website and started tracking the "Ow"s. Scarily, they were lasting about 90 seconds each and were 3 already minutes apart. I still didn't believe I was finally in labor.

I called Dr. R shortly after 9am and, with alarm, was instructed to go to Labor and Delivery immediately. My mom was stuck in traffic, so we called Uncle Brian and begged him to leave work, hop in a cab and come babysit for Lilah until my mom arrived. He agreed. Uncle Brian arrived 20 minutes later and saved the day! I convinced Andrew that we should walk the 10 or so blocks to Lenox Hill. It took awhile because we stopped about every 2 1/2 minutes so that I could breathe through a contraction.

Upon arriving at the hospital, we bumped into Dr. Y (Dr. R's partner). She said that she'd never seen anyone happier to be in labor and let us know that Labor and Delivery was waiting for us. I felt like a star! When we got upstairs four nurses greeted us and whisked us into a labor and delivery suite. They must have heard of my stardom ;) We knew that it was going to be a great day because the suite we were assigned to was the same room where we had Lilah. A good omen.

The nurses were totally different this time than they were at Lilah's birth. No one pressured me to wear a hospital gown or to sign an epidural waiver or even to get an IV put in. Nurse Gloria was assigned to us and she was easy breezy about the imminent arrival of a doula. She was probably just happy to have someone to help shoulder the burden of a crazy, non-medicated mother-to-be!

I changed into my birthin' jammies and was promptly examined by an intern. It was shortly before 11am and I was 5cm dilated and 100% effaced - go me! Grandparents were on the way, Fabulous Vicky was parking her car, and I was feeling OK. Really, it wasn't too bad.

Fabulous Vicky and her magical birthing ball arrived a few minutes later. She set up her iPod with soothing music and heated up her aromatherapy tray with the delicious scent of vanilla. Then, perfectly on cue, the contractions changed. They became painful, really REALLY painful. Fast and furious. The counter-pressure on my back was no longer relaxing. I started to feel like I was losing control and had no idea what to do with myself. Fabulous Vicky suggested taking a shower and I was up for trying anything. "By the time you are done in the shower, you'll be ready to push," she predicted. Andrew and I were skeptical, but hopeful.

I was in the shower for awhile, but really have no idea how long. Fabulous Vicky and Andrew positioned the shower head on my back, neck, hips, side - they tried anything and everything to try and ease the seething pains in my belly. At some point I said to them, "I can't do this anymore. I think I am ready to push." So, we ended the shower and requested that Dr. R come in to check me.

From this point on, my memory is a bit hazy. What I do know is that the following events occurred over the course of only 20 minutes. A very loooooong 20 minutes!

I remember that my mom arrived at the hospital and was excitedly asking at the door, "Can I just pop my head in and say hello?" I yelled out the door, "I don't want to say hello to anyone right now. We are not on vacation, I am having a BABY!" (Sorry, Mom. I didn't mean to snap, but, seriously, "Can I just pop my head in?" Didn't you hear me screaming??).

I remember that Dr. R examined me and I was 7cm dilated. He asked if he could break my water and promised me a baby if he did. I let him. He examined me again and said, "Now you're 9cm. I'm going to wash my hands. You're going to have a baby in about 10 minutes." I liked the sound of that.

I remember that everyone was trying to get me to lay down and push, but I had a better idea. I turned around and tried to climb off the back of the hospital bed. I was getting out of there! I yelled, "I don't want to be pregnant anymore!!!!" Dr. R replied, "You wont be in about a minute. Now turn around, sit down and push!" I was very upset at Dr. R's insensitivity yelling at me like that - couldn't he see I was in pain and just wanted to forget this whole baby thing. I mean, really!

At some point, Andrew escaped the madness and brought my mom inside for the pushing stage. When I saw her and Andrew walk back in, I started to cry. This was really happening. Baby Boy was coming out. And, oh my god, I thought that I felt pushing pain with Lilah but this was truly excruciating! I was seriously about to poop out a watermelon without drugs - what was I thinking??

Moments later, just when I didn't think that I could bear another 10 seconds of squeezing, Dr. R calmly said, "Harley, stop. Look. Your baby is here." I looked down and saw that his tiny head was already out. Dr. R slowly and carefully took his little body out of mine. It felt like this graceful movement was happening in slow motion. Andrew describes it as 'slowing down time.' Instantly, the pain went away. Dr. R placed the baby on my belly, Andrew and I locked eyes and we cried for a minute. Happy tears. "This is Jack everybody. Our son, Jack."

Jack was born at 1:03pm, after a mere five hours. Well, 40 weeks, 3 days and 5 hours, but who's counting?