The Non-Dramatical Way to Say Goodbye

Following is my eulogy for Mammy, a celebration of her life through the eyes of her grandchildren.
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My mom keeps reminding us that the more you grieve the more you had. The grandkids, we are exceedingly sad. How lucky are we to have had so much for so many years.

We want to share some of our favorite Mammy memories with you in the hopes that you can have a glimpse into what it felt like to be unconditionally loved by a grandmother who was unbelievably kind and had never-ending patience for all of us.

So, here are a few things that Mammy taught us:

1. It is possible to run 24-dry cleaners from your home.

Mammy was possibly the cleanest and neatest person ever. Her home and clothes were always 'just so' and if something fell on the floor she instantly cleaned it up. While she lived with my parents, Mammy's only responsibility was to do laundry - a self-imposed job I might add. And no one did laundry better and faster than Mammy. We're talking washing, drying, folding, ironing - everything! She even offered free pick-up and delivery. All you needed to do was put your clean clothes away. In fact Adam was telling us that even if he came home at 4:30 in the morning and realized that he had no clean shirts for work that day, he could hang a shirt on Mammy's door and by the time he woke up for work at 7:30 the short would be washed, pressed and hanging on his door. Mammy felt that doing laundry was the least she could do while she lived with my parents and she never complained. It is possible to run a 24-dry cleaners from your home.

2. It is also possible to run a 24-hour janitorial service.

OK. this one is a little bit embarrassing. Throughout our childhood, my brother J and I had countless sleep-overs at Mammy and Poppy's house in Rosedale. After dinner, we would play cards and eat premium crackers with butter and drink ginger ale from tiny bottles as a snack. While we were small, the bedtime arrangement was that Poppy slept in his twin bed alone, I shared Mammy's twin bed with her, and J slept on a cot next to Mammy's bed. The bedroom was crowded. After we said goodnight, Mammy would sing us to sleep with her famous Red Riding Hood lullaby. She would sing that song so many times her sweet voice was hoarse by the time we fell asleep.

OK, here comes the embarrassing part...one night when I was 7 or 8 years old I must have forgotten that I was at Mammy and Poppy's house. I got out of bed, and headed to the bathroom except I walked to where the bathroom would have been at my mom's house. I pulled down my pants, sat down and (as I would say to Lilah) "went pee-pees." Unfortunately, I ended up sitting on a chair in the kitchen. Mammy came into the kitchen shortly thereafter and very calmly put me back to bed. When we woke up in the morning, she and Poppy were already laughing about my embarrassing detour and the kitchen was scrubbed and pristine. It is possible to run a 24-hour janitorial service.

3. It is possible to sleep through the loudest snoring known to man.

My Poppy was the loudest snorer - ever. The cacophony of noises that came out of that man's nose at night is unparalleled. You had to hear it to believe it. And our little Jewish saint of a Mammy slept through this every night for almost 55 years. Her grandchildren, however, had a harder time sleeping through all the racket. Candice was telling us about the first night she remembers sleeping in Mammy's twin bed with her. Well, she couldn't sleep because she had never heard anything like this. She and Mammy ended up staying up all night whispering and giggling, but Poppy slept through it all. It is possible to sleep through the loudest snoring known to man.

4. After a 'freak accident' you should go to the movies.

Mammy was a really bad driver. A really bad driver! She would take you anywhere you wanted to go, but she was that person you honked because they drove in the right lane going like 10 miles under the speed limit. She would plow through stop signs and, if someone pointed out that she missed one, she would stop in the middle of the road and say "Oh my god, I don't believe it! I didn't even see a stop sign there."

One day when J and I were kids we were on our way to the Sunrise Mall with Mammy. We made it through the stop-sign part of the trip unscathed, but as we approached the light to turn into the mall Mammy kind of side-swiped the back of a truck. Luckily, the only damage to the car was a broken back window. Mammy called the incident a 'freak accident'. J and I were a little scared after hearing the glass break and J asked Mammy "What are we going to do now?" She hardly hesitated and answered "We should go to the movies." And we did. We left that car in the parking lot of the movies, broken window and all, and had a great afternoon. After a 'freak accident' you should go to the movies.

5. You don't always need to dress the part.

Shortly after Poppy died, Mammy and I went to Arizona to visit Uncle Steve, Candice and Taylor. Mammy was so excited for this trip that she went out shopping and bought some Arizona-looking clothes, but she was a little bit off target. One morning on our trip, we woke up and Mammy was in the kitchen in..this dress. The multi-colored dress looked like Lucille Ball meets Heidi meets Daisy Mae on the farm. Candice and I looked at her and burst out laughing, at which Taylor started laughing too and Mammy joined in shortly thereafter. Through her laughter, Mammy said "I guess it is a little much." I don't think that Mammy ever wore the dress again and I always felt bad the we laughed so hard about it. Years later when I brought it up and apologized for laughing so hard Mammy said "You don't have to apologize, it was a pretty funny dress and we had a great trip, didn't we?" To this day, all Candice or I need to say to each other is "Mammy's dress" and we can giggle for hours. You don't always need to dress the part.

6. It is possible to make six grandkids feel equally loved.

J, Adam & I were lucky enough to live with Mammy at some point during our childhood, but Leeanna, Candice and Taylor were not. Despite the great physical distance between them, we all felt equally as loved by Mammy. Not only did Mammy give Leeanna her first bath, but she also helped to care for her during her first few weeks. The bond forged between them during that time was never broken. Mammy taught all of her grandkids to play her favorite card games (including Rummy and Kings in the Corner) and to expertly shuffle cards with a bridge at the end. We were all professional card players by the age of 10! She taught us all her little songs. I specifically remember the Red Riding Hood Song and Taylor specifically remembers the Fishy Song (which Mammy also sang often to Lilah). She told us each that we were her favorite and signed every card with countless “xxx”s and “ooo”s. It is possible to make six grandkids feel equally loved.

The wonderful thing is that I could go on sharing our Mammy stories with you for hours, probably even longer. And I am sure that you all have your own special memories of Mammy because she was a sweet, sweet lady who captured all of our hearts and just wanted us all to be happy.

We hope that wherever you are, Mammy that you are: peaceful and happy, dancing to Elvis, and have Poppy at your side. We can’t help but smile when we think about you and we will think about you often.